I am petrified!

Today, I made my doctors appointment to see if the invertro worked. It was so weird. I called my doctor and she asked how I was doing like always and something took over me, I wanted to say good, as people always respond but instead I said scared! It was crazy! I guess my inner feelings are coming through! Its so weird how something you have wanted forever can all of a sudden scare the crap out of you! She asked what time I wanted to make the appointment for and I couldn't make up my mind! I kept thinking should I find out in the morning or in the afternoon or later that night! She than informed me that it is a blood test and I would be getting a message on my voice mail around 3:00pm. So that took the load off! I could find out when I was ready. I thought that I would be so excited to find out but now it just petrifies me! Not the thought of actually being pregnant but the thought that if it doesn't work I will know. I like the thought that at this very moment I could be pregnant. I want to keep that feeling for as long as I can. Its kind of like Christmas when you where a teenager you couldn't wait to open gifts but you also wanted to wait because you knew that you may not get what you really wanted. It is a very weird feeling, its going to be a long wait!